Spectrum

You are not a . . . . . . . .

af·fir·ma·tion     /ˌæfərˈmeɪʃən/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[af-er-mey-shuhn] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation

I will let you all in on a little secret. I can be a very difficult person at times. I think we all have incredible hulk moments, where we loose our cool and do something totally unexpected and scare most people around us. Now i think when most of us are in those situations, when the green giants in all of us erupt and leave shreds of clothing covering strategic locations, we later calm down and feel regret over the damage that we have done. But i often ask myself - is there anything that can be done to stave and subdue such outbursts?

My first step in the journey of ‘enlightenment’ begins long ago - and stems from an analogy from a source now forgotten. Basically the scenario involved a boy who was being spanked by his father for stealing cookies (or whatever it is that little boys like to steal). And when the spanking was done, the Father asked him if he knew why he was being spanked. And when the boy shrugged his shoulders, the father told him that he was being spanked because he wanted to remind him that he was not a thief, and therefore stealing was contrary to his nature.

You know, sometimes in my most vulnerable moments, or mid-tantrum, i know that what i am saying is wrong, and is hurtful and will be regretted later on. But you know i have to admit that the beast raging within sometimes seems untamable. But what if; at that moment, someone tells me "Jared you are not a monster, and this is not you".

What i gather is sometimes we already go on with our tantrums, fits and other unreasonable outbreaks, we tell ourselves that we have crossed the point of no return, and that we are helpless and doomed to continue on in our fiery rampage.

But those words - the affirmation of what is our true condition, especially as Christians, is empowering and can soothe even the fiercest of fits.

A gentle answer turns away wrath says the Bible. How true indeed. Brothers and sisters, if you read this, then I pray you will learn to handle the anger and outbursts of others differently. Remember that we are all seeded with the Holy Spirit, and His fruit abides in us. That would mean that the moment we let Him in, our nature is no longer dominated by anger and uncontrollable rage, but rather gentleness and self control.

So the next time you blow up / someone you love blows up, remember, affirm them and remind them that in reality they are not monsters let loose, but self-controllled men and women, not victim to the external circumstances but rather overcomers of them.

Pain and suffering teach more than Comfort and pleasure

In the midst of all that was happening around me i found myself once again turning to God and seeking Him for some comfort and reprive from all that was happening around me. If not - at least an answer to my many questions.

And i remembered Job and read about the things he had to endure. I realise suffering is most difficult when the reason / cause for the suffering is obscure. Weighing out my situation, i was desperately trying to determine if what i was going thru was a result of my own shortcomings (which i could correct), a result of some divine test (oh gosh here we go again) or simply if somebody else messed up and left me there holding the metaphorical red cape in the bull pen.

And you know i did not always get an answer - but one thing that did touch my heart - was to see one response from Job as he made his painful journey:

5 “I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear,
      But now my eye sees You.

6 Therefore I abhor myself,
      And repent in dust and ashes.”

Truth is, i found out that God is way more interested in moulding our character than He is in giving us Comfort. So suffering somehow leads us to question things, and always produces greater intimacy in the end (provided we keep ourselves humble and continue to seek Him).  Stuff that happens, i have learned, may more often than not be beyond our comprehension, but from Job, somehow that fresh revelation of God suddenyl takes his mind of the sores and boils and fills him with holy fear once again.

I guess like Job says, we only have heard of Him (from church, sermons and worships. . .etc. . etc) but when we really go thru hard times and our heart is left bare at His throne, He appears like He does to Job, and suddenly we move from hearing about Him to seeing Him. . .and we abhor ourselves and repent. And then in the end, i knew very well that if Job had not gone through those moments of testing, he would not be able to be at that point of intimacy and revelation of God.

And that is why i have learnt to tell people "only in great trials can great faith make itself known".

Pain and suffering will always come, and we will never know why always, but God is in control and He has his reasons that even if He told us. . . . might not make us feel better . . . . .

So for 2007, with all its hard knocks, i have come to realise that these situations somehow always draw me closer to Him than any plesant situation ever can. I do not really understand why, but the faster we accept that and draw near, the faster He can start working things out for us.

And really, at the end of the Day, the Christian’s life is forged in Joy. And whatever seems momentarily to ail and trouble us - God can repay double when the clouds part.

[Dark Grey] [Dark green]

The weekend was a good and memorable one. Maybe too good. Maybe i expected my weekend cruise to drag on till the coming Friday. It was not to be.
Today I was caught once again in between the proverbial ‘rock and a hard place’.Guess stuff I ‘highlighted’ critical and labeled ‘warning’ have miraculously been unnoticed, and well the  critical and the urgent have met, and it looks like its gonna be time for me to haul kaboose.

But this blog is not to complain - instead, in the midst of this internal turmoil i stumbled upon some truth.

Once a week i would go down and attempt to facilitate a Physics class for some fifth Formers. I say facilitate cause ‘teach’ would imply i knew my stuff that well, and tuition would set me up for law suits and parental abuse should my ’students’ fail to meet their parents set marks for them in their SPM. But i digress. . . .

So happened when things came pouring on strong at work I was torn as to whether i should leave my work bench and mossey on down to church for the class. In my mind I was toying with the idea of giving up this class and focusing more on my career, or if not jsut asking God why He couldn’t have cleared the way for me to be a little less tied up so i could go down and do ‘His’ work.

In a conversation earlier today i remember mentioning in passing the last chapter of 2 Samuel, in which David makes that monumental statement: "I will not give to the Lord that which costs me nothing". And lo and behold, i myself was very much in need of that reminder.

If the movie Lord of the Rings had Frodo walk up on screen ripped like Arnold to assault a legion of Urukai who were retired pensioner / senior citizen and string beans, i doubt New Line Cinema and Peter Jackson would have made any substantial income. But the fact is what makes the tale so inspiring and . . . . .(lucrative?) was the fact that the odds were against them- and that there were surely risks and chances of getting skewered pretty badly.

I guess examples and testimonies can only bloom in the midst of adversaties, and trials and tribulations are the fire that remove the dross of mediocrity and reveal the pure sterling silver of heroism and sacrifice. Surely David knew that the highest worth of a sacrifice is when it is offered up when there is a price tag; when the things around us cause us to grasp so tightly to it; and when it is most tempting to hold back .

So whoever you are reading this, I guess its for us all to look at the trials we face differently. Like David implied, there is an implicit value attached to acts of sacrifice. Especially when the sacrifice puts our own personal wants/needs/ambitions over the needs of others.

And well trials are momentary. But glory and righteous acts are inscribed on eternal stone.

So will tomorrow be any better? Maybe. Maybe not. Will i survive. Of course i will. What matters now is not that the situation be turned in my favor, but rather that my behavior be worthy of the One who is my inspiration. That in all i do i will not let Him down.

Here’s to all those who will have a chance tomorrow to showcase their worth, and who all stand a chance to overcome odds with His strength!

God BLess!!!

[purple][red]

I had an exceptionally wonderful weekend. Thanks for making it special for me. A special shout-out to Michael Bay for making one of the few movies that i would watch twice - even three times! So looking forward to the second movie.
All around me it seems to be the year of transitions and tough decisions and big changes. Some changes which are pretty much out of our control - and some which seems to be too much in our control. I speak of course of decisions like career changes, relationships and education.
Today at my mentoring session we were talking about decisions - and how sometimes people tend to make decisions through what i like to call christian vodoo. . . .i.e. thru intepretting signs and so-called signs.
To keep it short -  i learned that there are decisions tat are clear cut because they are not in accordance to the law of God. Then the things that always give us trouble are decisions like what career to do, or whether i should stay at my job or what course we should study. You know - the longer and closer you walk with God - the more authority he hands back to you. and this means that alot of times we are given the chance as we mature to make difficult and major decisions. View it not as negelct from God - but rather as trust. That He knows we will do the right thing.
I also learned that the whole thing about groundbreaking decisions is that they first come into our lives to test our foundations. For instance- when it comes to career change, the reasons we may want to jump ship would be financial - which may or may not reveal a slightly strong tendency towards a love for money, or a desire to exalt and make a name for ourselves. Maybe even a little hint of self-sufficency?
Also to sum it all up - and to give peace, God always places people in our lives whom we can turn to for counsel and advise. And in the end - we know one thing is certain: in whatever vocation or education, we are always full time christians. And anything we do/enjoy/embrace that may be counter to that must be discarded.

More on this, but i have to make a phone call! see you everyone and good night.

No color scheme today. Just a quick sharing which blessed me . . . . From June 11th devotion. Someone’s birthday, so it caught my attention. Anyway here it is:

Also what is the difference between tempations and trials? Here is a good definition:

Satan seeks to defeat you by tempting you to trust your own wisdom, to live according to your self-centered feelings, and to gratify the desires of your flesh. In contrast, God’s will is for you to be an overwhelming conqueror in all of these tests. This brings Him honor and glory.

The difference between tests and temptations -
** A temptation, which cannot originate from God, is a solicitation for you to disobey God’s Word and to gratify your fleshly desires. When you yield to temptation, you will experience the consequences.
** A test is an opportunity for you to practice being like Christ by obeying God’s Word, thus giving honor to God.
** A circumstance is a temptation when it appeals to your self-centered feelings and fleshly desires and is used by Satan as a means to entice you to sin. (Genesis 3:1-7; 2 Samuel 11; James 1:14-15).
** In contrast, that same circumstance is used by God as a test to help strengthen your faith as you obey His Word. Your response in the circumstance determines whether you will stand firm in your faith and please God or fall to temptation and please yourself.

God tests individuals, including believers. He uses the tests to refine His people. These tests enable you to share in the sufferings of Christ. They allow you an opportunity to follow Christ’s example of obedient, sacrificial living. Those who remain faithful to God’s Word in trials (both in tests and temptations) prove the reality of their faith. The major assumption here is that you know God’s Word! The decision is: Sin? or obey God’s Word? It is God’s Spirit within you which gives you the power to overcome temptation and live for Him! (1 Peter 1:14-15; 4:1-2). While it may be difficult, the tests strengthen your faith.

So thiis is from www.anchorlife.com. I thank God thru my Mum who sent me a devotion from this website. Have been checking them out everyday. Wonderful how sometimes a small verse / sentence can make all the difference. Good night and God Bless everyone!

[Grey][Dark Green]

It was not such a good day. Work was terrible. And once again i tread ever so close to that fine line. I want to at this point point out (hahah i used point twice!) that not everyone has fine lines in their lives. Some people have thick black tarmac lines that seperate borders like the great wall of china: their lives seem pretty clear cut, and well decisions that need to be made are made either with sparing thought - or because the options drawn out are very clear cut.

My theory is that it is because people like myself are a little more driven and well - plagued with seasons of malcontent. And just like a car travelling too fast - things start to blur out. If you accept the situations around you more readily, there are not so many lines apparent, and normally the areas we happily plod along are well within safe perimeters.

My question / line has to do with job satisfaction and career. Question:  "Should you stay at a job that is less that good jsut to build character, or should you move on and get something better?"

Now that really does not fully describe my situation, but its close to 12am and i wanna get some sleep. hahahaha

Anyway what i observed is this: to answer this question, i must first ask myself a series of questions. . . .

question the first. . . .
What is it about the current job that i hate so much? It really might be my own bad habits and impatients - and even pride to think that i am far better than the position i am in, and far more capable than the people around me or worse still - am always the victim in my workplace. If my emotions are so flared it is definitely not a good state to make decisions. And besides - i learnt a while ago that we can learn alot about ourselves when we examine what makes us angry. Simply put - not the same things piss everybody off. So why does this piss me off so much?

Am i afraid? Deep inside everyone has a fear of failure. Because failure brings along a host of undesired unknowns and an equally alarming host of expected consequences. Sometimes running away may be my way of evading the proverbial ‘music’.

But finally, what i find matters most is the final question:

Am I taking matters into my own hands because i cannot trust God? My dad always felt i should have been an engineer because i always found ways to ‘get what i want’. And alot of times in my life God had to step in, smack my hands and say ‘no!’. Thankful on one hand that He intervened, i was always longing for the day when i would be able to excercise such maturity and self control without having the need to have such ‘divine intervention’.

Another very useful thing that helps me make decisions in situations like this is to observe what i would prefer to do. Example: in situations where i would like to just wait and see, i know God would want me to jsut go and do it. Other situations where i feel i want to just go ahead and errr. . . . (resign?), I feel that God is telling me to wait. In a nut shell, it seems like what God wants for me is always - initially - what my flesh would rather me not do. Seems like a strange formula - but not all that unbibilcal. Read Romans 7:15 - 20.

So in terms of leaving - i have come to one conclusion. Whatever the timing - this is the time to make changes. When we are young. But before i leave this chapter in my life, i must sign off on good terms. I must show those around me that i did not quit - i must show them that i moved on. I must show that i did not give up and fold out but rather that i took it on and came out on top. If not i will never know whether i decided to leave because i was a lesser man -or because i had conquered and was ready for another challenge in life.

On an unrelated note, a friend was saying that she did not see it was possible to please everyone, and that she should jsut live her life according to what she felt was good and right. Now since i am learning not to be so ‘offensive’ and to put a little more thought into what people say, i found that the Bible had this to say about what people think:

Romans 14:13 - 19

13Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way. 14As one who is in the Lord Jesus, I am fully convinced that no food^[b] is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for him it is unclean. 15If your brother is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy your brother for whom Christ died. 16Do not allow what you consider good to be spoken of as evil. 17For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, 18because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by men.

19Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. 20Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a man to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. 21It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother to fall.

1 corinthians 10:23 - 33

23"Everything is permissible"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"—but not everything is constructive. 24Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.

25Eat anything sold in the meat market without raising questions of conscience, 26for, "The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it."^[c]

27If some unbeliever invites you to a meal and you want to go, eat whatever is put before you without raising questions of conscience. 28But if anyone says to you, "This has been offered in sacrifice," then do not eat it, both for the sake of the man who told you and for conscience’ sake^[d]— 29the other man’s conscience, I mean, not yours. For why should my freedom be judged by another’s conscience? 30If I take part in the meal with thankfulness, why am I denounced because of something I thank God for?

31So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 32Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God— 33even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved.

So in conclusion, to answer her and to show a more wholesome perspective, we should be not entirely captivated by public opinion, but its a question of how we use our freedom - for to use our freedom to do things that will cause others to stumble is a sin and shows our own selfishness and lack of love for those around us. And well personally - we cannot please everyone i agree - but there are some people’s opinions whom we should really consider. If your parents are disappointed in your behavior, and your closest friends as well - are you really willing to strain this God given relationship for your own selfish desires?

So if you read it - consider it my least threatening way of offering advise. Good night and God Bless all!

[Yellow][Green][Grey]

I think most people who read this have wondered what i had going on with the introductory color charts. Well basically they are colors that best describe my emottions in the blog - and throughout the day. For instance, a great night out last night made me feel great and instilled some hope in me. Hope always seems bright and yellow to me - with a little green thrown in: the epitomy of wisdom and of new life. And finally the grey areas in which things are still uncertain. Basically i am at a point in my life where i need to make many decisions. . . .many of which are not clear. In fact. . . . . . . .

[Grey]

A conversation with my brother today inspired him to make important decisions and remove certain grey chunks in his life. But even as i spoke to him - assuring him and reminding him of truths that seemed clear and resonant, i wondered at the irony that i myself too was in a place where crossroads dot the mindscape. . . and my own thoughts and desires circumvented me. Questions about career, love and family. Basically the core question we all surprisingly do not know how to answer (or think we know but are sorely mistaken): What do i want in life?

The answer to this is deep and elusive. I have to confess that i am a complicated person, with complicated dreams which themselves are tied down with many complicated conditions.

On the brighter note, i was blessed to spend time last night with two dear (slightly older and definitely wiser) sisters who have been put in my life at such a time as this - to bless and speak encouragement into my life. Messengers from God are all around us - white plummed wings and flowing robes excluded.

I guess the balance is what i seek - to accept the fact that i do not fully grasp and know what i want -but at the same time strive towards the ultimate goal. . . .Christ. And in Him i will find myself - and all i ever hoped to be.

Hmmmm. . . . i seemed to have found an answer in my own typing!

Good night everyone!

Philippians 3:14 (New Living Translation)

[Dark green][Red]

Its been a long time since i blogged. What a slacker!!!!

truth be told, since the last blog i got tied up - right up to my ear-drums-in work and stuff. Ever had that feeling you wanted to just slam your face so hard on the keyboard the CTRL+ALT +DEL keys touch base with the back of your skull? Yeah had that a few times this week.
Someone told me once that life is a test. I agree - but here is my own little augmentation: there are two people who will grade and view the results. God and us.
My car deal was turning sour cause the gating item - the road tax registration - was taking a week or so. Something smelt amiss, as another dealer i talked with had no recollection of road tax taking so long. So well in the end i decided to storm down to JPJ (mind you in the most polite way possible) to tweak their bureaucracy.

Crossing the bridge is a real chore. On the way to JPJ the traffic on the other side was starting to build up. Using my deft mathematical mind i foresaw myself being caught up in the automotive bottleneck on my way back. Streams of complaints were flooding my mind - but i wanted to keep my heart in order; i wanted to keep my mouth from curses and from grumbling.

Grumbling - a deadly thing. Words - as mentioned in a previous blog - carry alot more raw power than many of us know. Even words that fall upon no hearing ears can be an obstruction to blessings intended for us. I mean really who takes joy in a complainer? Is there any gladness from helping those who b***h all the time? Does complaining in anyway hasten our help in troubled times?

So anyways. . . .but yeah. . .
everything turned out great. And to top it all off, i had the chance to make that trip to sitiawan. And it was a memorable and great weekend. Thank you for making it special.

The way i see it - there are only two types of people in the world. Or rather, people can be either one or the other - but they are predominantly one throughout a big chunk of their lives.

The first type of people are sheet metal. They are solid and cover a whole gamete of areas and endeavor to do much with their lives. They are the people who are busy and who get much done, but never seem to achieve much.
Then there are the hammers. A hammer can weigh as much as a piece of sheet metal. But whamming a hammer against a nail gets u different results from whamming a piece of sheet metal against the same.
So - if they are both metal objects, and weigh the same, why does one drive the nail through and not the other? The answer - focus. The hammer gets the job done - solely because it focuses all its weight and momentum at the hammer head.

Many people are born sheet metal. They need the hand of God to shape them - to draw all that metal to a dense place, where He can focus our strengths on one point - and drive it through and get the job done. In these few days - at work, with relationships,with church- i realize that i am running around doing much administration without getting anything really done.

Lord where is my focus? Where is our focus? I want to be a hammer again. I want to drive those nails through once again. I want to be a catalyst of change and of renewal wherever I am planted.

Its finally arrived!!!!! To the rest of the toys in my inventory I introduced my royal Grey Optra - fresh from er, Sitiawan. So far everything is really great, and alot of people are happy for me. Thank You everyone.

The other Optra guy washes his car every weekend - hand wash! Gosh. . . .Though i loathe washing the car myself, i have to admit that now that seems like a good alternative to the ’super’ drive through wash on green lane. I mean. . . . its easier to wax if you wash it yourself. Right?

[Red] [Grey]

Even as i write this, i am craddling the phone on my shoulder, listening to a conference call that has everything and yet nothing to do with me. I think I am breaking some new ground for bloggers everywhere. Monumental! (Speaking of which - imagine what a statue of this stance will look like).
Today was an extremely busy day. Have you ever had that feeling where you had so much to do that you went into deer in headlights mode? The truck is hurtling down the road - and all you can do is freeze in the cold death dealing light. Yeah. . .had those moments a few times today. Swampped with work deadlines, personal to do lists, insurance and car stuff to settle. . . . . madness madness madness madness. I had to fight so hard to keep my mind from breing negativity and self-pity. Thank God for silly statements and phone calls to dear friends.
Deadlines . . . . .i feel that they are so forced. And i feel that they are set way too tight. Its ironic to squeeze so much into such a time frame when ironically we alerady are ahead of schedule with margin to spare.
The worst thing about work in general - though not totally despicable -  is that hard work generally does not have a strong correlation with reward. And don’t get me started on intangible benefits. . . . . .
Obviously I am not the only one disenchanted with the glorious realm of engineering. This month alone, we have had 4 farewells - 4 consecutive weeks. Today when we were taking our farewell photo - i suggested that we all save time and jsut take our own farewell photos right there. Funny - but deeply unsettling at the same time. Might have been the best suggestion yet.

Being academically smart is overated. The world belongs to the people who believe in what they do and are not afraid to fail. Recently the adage ‘you have not failed enough’ starts to make alot of sense. I guess i have lost the drive to excel and take on new things - i’m begining to have the drive of a mental fatso on a lazyboy on a SNL marathon. AAARGH!

What is life without risks? Heck if i don’t try new stuff when i am 26 - will i dare try new stuff when i am 36? I’ll be lucky if by then all my underwear does not have my initials. . . .

Again to all those people who have taken on accupations that defy the norm and are in the same trajectory as earlier stirred dreams - i salute you!

Dinner with parents again. Its what i needed after a bland day at the office. I love my parents. talking to them is like taking a shot of molten gusto. Would not have come so far without them. Would not be able to go further without them.

I realised i tell people very little about my day in my blogs. Sorry I guess i misplaced my little 555 book.

Read a very good article while taking a dump ( hey its the best place to read - think about the lumbar support!) about anger and men. Its sad to see men struggle with IED (intermitant Explosive disorder). Its jsut like what the Bible says - Men have been able to tame all the elements and animals of the field - but struggle to bridle the tongue and control the emotions within.

recently i have become very convinced that words that have passed from our lips can never be withdrawn. The greater pain is that good words can easily be scrapped off by hurtful words. Why is that so?

Will pass that article to my friend. Hope he reads it.

I know tomorrow will be a good day. I jsut know it.
Stay tuned!!!